i hate sundays

i hate sundays.

monday is looming.
back to reality
back to the life i wish wasn't mine
back to the loneliness that is too overwhelming
back to feeling lost
back to a lesser version of myself

i want to work hard but it want to work for something i want,
something i believe in,
something where i know i'm making a difference,
where i'm valued.

i realized that i cry every time i come home.
that means i cry every weekend about how i wish my life was different, how i don't know how to fix it.

all i can think about is that quote from something. something like "you're sick of bad things happening? stop putting up with it and demand better."
i know that the only way things will get better is if i do something about it, but i just don't know where to begin. it's all just so overwhelming.

your life is an occasion. rise to it.

*Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium



So, she's gone.

My (okay, our...) beloved cat, Baby, is gone.

I miss her.

My heart hurts when I think about how I'll never see her again How I'll never see her truckin' along, wanting to be around people and being an attention-whore. How I'll never hear her insanely loud purr that never went away. How I'll never feel her lumpy fur in my fingers. How I'll never get to secretly snuggle with her when Tag's not paying attention. How I'll never get to feed her friskies again. How I'll never accidentally step on her because she somehow managed to always be right under my feet. How I'll never get to pretend to have conversations with her because that was our thing. How I'll never get bitten or meowed at because she's mad, or bored, or annoyed, or happy, or excited, or playful. She's gone, and that's the end.

Heartbroken.

Who knew?



I know she's a girl, but I really, really love this movie, and this quote seems to resonate with me so often.

I feel like there's just been so much loss this year. I really don't like it.


I'm just really, really sad. And sometimes when I think about it, I get upset because I'm so emotional over a cat, and that just feels silly. But then I know in my heart that she was so much more than just a cat. She was family, and saying goodbye to family is... impossible.

"and i know it's only natural to be sad, but not because of the words "he dies," but because of the life we saw prior to the words." | mr. magorium's wonder emporium

flooded with all this pain, knowin' i'll never hold you like i did before the storm

two things:

1.) i'm obsessed with twitter
2.) i'm psyched for harry potter tomorrow night

oh, also, the following:

- i'm strangely in love with the song "before the storm" by miley cyrus and nick jonas. (that makes me want to blow my own brains out, thankyouverymuch)
- im avoiding a friend request on facebook
- tam made me try on the six-carat diamond ring that will one day be mine
- i've been trying to think of things to tweet to dane cook so our notebook-esque love affair can finally begin
- im going to work with tam tomorrow like a five year old.


and finally, the saddest piece of news in my life, a tidbit that will devastate anyone who knows/knew her:

i'm fairly certain baby is dying.


xo

today's the day!! vegas, round three

I leave for Las Vegas today.

I have to be in Grand Rapids by 1, so we can leave for the airport at 2:15.

I just can't believe it's here. Again. lol Yaaaaay!

deja jealous?

music add

I'm currently listening to "The Lonely Goatherd" from The Sound Of Music on my itunes right now. It's safe to say I'm having a good time.

Also, I stumbled across some television genius last Sunday. This show I discovered is called Gene Simmons Family Jewels on A&E. Go ahead, laugh, judge, roll your eyes, scoff... go ahead. I don't care at all because I'm secure in my belief that it is quite possibly one of the best reality shows on TV right now. It's hilarious. It's not trashy. It's just mind-numbing and mindless enough. It allows for normal people to peer into the lives of a rock icon and his wacky family. It's awesome.

My favorite is seeing what a complete nutjob Gene Simmons is. He's totally neurotic and out of touch with actual reality. Watching him babysit his two little nephews is probably my favorite thing they show. He lost one of the twins at the San Diego Zoo. Bahahaha. I love when celebrities are portrayed as normal; I love when they do "normal" people things, such as:

Side note: "music is my boyfriend" is now playing in itunes.

1.) Going to the zoo,
2.) Losing children while babysitting,
3.) Blowing a fuse in the house and not being able to figure out how to fix it so they just decide to walk around the house trying to locate the twins with the video camera set on night vision, then finally deciding to make a fort in one of the many rooms in the gigantic house

sweeeeeeeeeeeet kiwi!! ohhh maroon 5... adam levine's voice is so hawt.

4.) Freaking out when the hydraulics start going off in the sweet ghetto SUV they are being forced to drive to a red carpet event....
5.) Running over a plastic big-wheel type thing in the driveway with their SUV (the one without hydraulics)
6.) Watching home videos with their family

The thing is, the show has a little something for everyone.

what a girl wants, what a girl needs, you let a girl know how much you care about her, i swear, you're the one who always kneeeeeeeeeeewwww, you knew, you knew, you knew, you knew... ohhhh i'm thankin' you for bein' there for meeee, yeah.... whatever keeps me in your arms is what i neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed!

I'm not even mad that this whole post is basically a shameless plug for something as asanine as a reality tv show about Gene Simmons. It's that good.

Watch it. Season 4 premieres at 9pm on Sunday, June 7.

Unfortuantely, I will be on a plane to Las Vegas, so I will miss out. I have faith, however, that I will be able to catch it at a later date.

ps. Just listen to Escape by Enrique Iglesias. I had forgotten about that song. But it just came on, and I'm kinda really digging it. bahaha

things I wish were real

Well, well, well... what to talk about?

It's been a hot second since I last blogged, so I thought I'd make yet one more superfluous post.

Okay, here's an idea.

I've been watching Gilmore Girls lately on dvd, thinking that a complete series would be sufficient and not leave me wanting more, like Grey's Anatomy does. Boy was I wrong! GG on dvd only makes me remember how insuficient the ending was, and makes me angry that the show was cancelled. The ending was too abrupt. It didn't end right. Upsetting. The good thing about the show is that it really is good. It has excellent writing and the story is just sooooo good. It makes me wish I lived in Star's Hollow. It makes me wish Star's Hollow was real.

Speaking of things I wish were real: Harry Potter.

I'm pretty sure I could go on for a very long time about aspects about that that I wish were real. I won't but I could. I'm just sayin'... I want in on that life. I sometimes pretend it is real, and that we just really do live in parallel worlds. Go ahead and think I'm weird, but I don't care; Harry Potter is awesome and I'm psyched for the movie this summer.



Mmmkay, that's all, I suppose. :-/

xoxo

Ps. I'm still very excited for the Vegas. shibuya!

well now that i have nothing to do, my life seems so lame i don't have anything to blog about.

although, here are a couple thoughts in my brain currently:

1.) i heart katy perry
2.) i cannot wait to go to vegas. i'm so excited.
3.) i really still can't believe i abandoned sen and bri at mennas and walked with that boy whose name i honestly did not know until he told it to megan (bahaha)
4.) i changed my ringtone.
5.) i need to return my textbooks today
6.) i have to pee real bad
7.) sen and i watched chronicles of narnia: prince caspian last night
8.) i want pink sheets for my bed


kaythanksloveyoubye

alumna

I'm officially a college graduate!

recreational drug use...?

(319): addddeeerrraaaallll.
(641): ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.


I've been wondering how using adderall would work out for me. I don't have any, but I know someone who could get me some in a jiffer. It would probably really help me focus and just get this paper written. I have one page written. And my references. it's supposed to be 15-17 pages long. this is not good.

It's thoughts like these that make the rational-me concerned.

The thing is that I've already done my research. I have all my sources. I got my introduction out of the way, so I basically have a road map for my paper. I just have to organize my thoughts; I think that's what probably has me the most overwhelmed. I feel like my brain is a jumbled mess most of the time, and trying to get some sort of outline makes me feel nervous.

Sar just made a shouting noise.

I feel like maybe I just need to get out of this space; maybe a change of scenery would help me focus. My desk right now is a distraction in and of itself.

1.) brightly colored paperclips that i could make into a giant chain.
2.) an abundant supply of markers, sharpies, and colored pencils, not to mention a few coloring books
3.) 3-D glasses and a pair of broken stunna shades
4.) reciepts and other random loose papers
5.) a puzzle with a note from sarah on the back of it from two years ago
6.) revolving picture frame of presh photos of le le and i
7.) a few napkins to do some really lame oragami
8.) my tool menorah
9.) a slice of pizza
10.) bobbypins and a couple ponytail holders.
11.) my cell phone
12.) my laptop, which obviously has firefox open. Originally i had a website open to help me write my reference page and in-text citations correctly, but now i have the following tabs open:

a.) FMyLife- FML: Your Everyday Life Stories
b.) texts from last night: february 2009
c.) research and documentation online (super useful, by the way, for different formats for citations
d.) Adderall wiki page
e.) obviously this site
f.) perez hilton, celebrity juice not from concentrate

ugh. i should get my hands on some adderall. your thoughts?

blogging vs. editing a paper...

Blogging is winning.

Actually, doing anything other than what I should be doing for finals is winning.

I'm going to try to keep this brief. However, brevity isn't really my thing, so, with that said, we'll see how this works out for me.

Okay, here's the deal:

1.) I first would like to apologize to everyone whose existence I cursed yesterday without his or her knowledge. Just throwing it out there so karma doesn't get me really good for that one. I was really pissed off and it seemed like the right choice in the moment. I didn't mean it. I love you all, despite the fact that you can be cunts sometimes.

2.) I really still want to take pictures by Sparty before Friday.

3.) I found a cardigan/sweater thing to go with my dress. Yay!

4.) I'm ready to return to the Vegas. June 7th needs to get here asap. (Three times in the span of one year doesn't indicate any sort of addiction to a specific city, does it?)

5.) Speaking of Las Vegas, I found this awesome thing on texts from last night bahahah it reminds me sliiiiiiiightly of a conversation Megan and/or Aleka and I could have:

(503): i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
(360): let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.

I must edit this 22 page paper that my group and I have written. It's real bad. Here's what I'm dealing with: switching tenses in the middle of sentences/paragraphs, the use of pronouns in a research paper, fragments and run-on sentences.... I love school.

*dry heave*

xoxo

agatha

agatha is gone.

we traded her in. tam got a new 2009 saturn vue and i got her white taurus, who i have yet to name. i have always liked tam's white taurus better than good ole aggie because it's a newer model, the heating/cooling system actually works properly, has a louder sound system... just a better set up. but i always had old reliable aggie waiting in the wings for me, all friendly and familiar.

now she's gone, and a part of my heart is gone with her.


(i'm taking in suggestions for white taurus's new name.)

parents schmarents

The thing that has plagued me lately is the animosity between my parents. Okay, let's be honest; it's not just a "lately" thing. The animosity has been apparent for years, most specifically the last couple of years. The fact that I said animosity reminds me of "Pop" by*NSYNC. There's a line that JC sings which goes like this:

tired of feelin'
all around me
this animosity
just worry 'bout yours
'cuz I'ma get mine
now people can't you see?

Anyway, it goes into the chorus and the vocal stylings of Lance, Joey, Justin, Jc and Chris fill my ears and I find myself bopping my head to the genius that was penned by none other than JT himself. It's only relevant because they used the same word I used. Oh well, I love me some *NSYNC. Yes, still.

Oh, right. Back to the original topic, yes, yes, yes, of course. The animosity between Fran and Tam has been especially worrysome to me lately because graduation is looming. I say looming rather than any other word that could express excitement or something positive because the thought of graduation, leaving this place and venturing out into a world unknown scares the hell out of me. I know it should be a time of sheer bliss and to celebrate the future, and my success in getting a degree in four years, which, I have learned, is becoming increasingly rare. Who knew? Instead, this whole graduating business has me on pins and needles. I feel uneasy and nervous most hours of most days. I find myself clinging to the status quo of my life in vain. So, despite whining about work, I hold on tightly because it's familiar, easy and consistent. I try not to think about the friends that have become my family leaving, going on to changing the world one child at a time, and or getting on with their lives without me. I try not to think about what will become of me because the unknown seems so scary.

Good Lord! I've gotten sidetracked again. Graduation makes me worry about my parents because it should be a day that I can share with both of them, in a way that is positive and enjoyable. I would give anything for a chance to enjoy time with both of my parents at the same time without worrying that someone was going to lose their shit, say something insensitive, and/or produce tears for anyone in the vacinity. I just know that if I tried to do anything involving the both of them at the same time, someone would inevitably be unhappy, and that someone would be my mom. In an ideal world, we would be able to all go to dinner after graduation and have a genuinely good time. I want to be able to share this experience with my mom as well as Dad and Terri. They're my family; it shouldn't have to be a "choose one or the other" kind of situation. I should be able to have my cake and eat it too.

Having parents that get along is a luxury, this I know. But when will the anger, resentment and negativity end? When will I have the family I want and that we all deserve?

For those of you who do have families that love each other and can be in the same room without drama and/or fits of rage, please feel thankful for what you have, because I'd give just about anything for that. (Maybe even more than I would give for a ticket to an *NSYNC reunion tour, and we all know that I'd give a lot for that)

my heart aches

so, i stumbled upon the most fantastic thing ever tonight. i was (and am) supposed to be writing my film diary (which still isn't finished, by the way! fml.) and i was searching youtube instead. i was thinking i would still be able to youtube and write this stupid film diary about mona lisa smile at the same time, but that is obviously not the case. lucky for me, im not tired at all apparently. anyway, what i found on youtube sparked a frenzy in my heart.

two words: meghan tonjes.

she is seriously phenomenal. i am obsessed. i cannot get enough. i have her on repeat and i just want to listen to her angelic voice all the time now.

her lyrics are amazing. i heard (my favorite song) the end and seriously almost cried. it's as though she poked her head into my heart and just listened to it for a little bit, came out again and penned this little beauty. it's a stroke of pure genius. it's slightly creepy that it feels like it's directly out of my own heart, but i can and will overlook that because it's just that good.

i'm gonna copy and paste the lyrics to the song in here because:
1.) i'm that obnoxious;
2.) i told you i'm obsessed;
3.) i couldn't find them anywhere on the internet so i made them myself. lol

the end

hello
it's me
again
i'm calling
to hear
your voice
on the line
played you a song
wrote you a letter to say
that i'm done with this

went through a box
pictures of us smiling
back of a room
playing ourselves
we look so young
we look so happy
don't really know if we ever were

and i don't believe
you're meant for me any more
than the shore
belongs to the sea
and i was the one
and i was the only one
standing for all
i knew you could be

hello
you say
it's been
a long time
i can't
remember the last time we spoke
i'm good
i'm better
the winter's been hard on all of us
i'm getting close to letting go

saw you in pictures
heard you were doing so well
on your own now
i knew you would
heard from a friend
of a friend
of a friend
you were moving out west
to give it a go

and i don't believe
you're meant for me any more
than the shore
belongs to the sea
and i was the one
and i was the only one
standing for all
i knew you could be

i miss you
more than
words can
say

and i don't believe
you're meant for me any more
than the shore
belongs to the sea
and i was the one
and i was the only one
standing for all
i knew i could be...


xoxo

history of russia 101

i googled the russian revolution which led to their civil war, the bolsheviks and the basis of lenin's political ideology. i also googled several members of the royal family family as well as one of the main guys involved in ther execution for more than three hours yesterday.

why did i do this? for fun. because i was curious. and a huge nerd.
and because i watched anastasia, which piqued my curiosity.

i'm like that damn cat. someday i'm going to die.

+1 brother

i've gained a brother. his name is andrew, he's a freshman (well, technically, i think he's a sophomore....) at kettering university and a member of the delta tau delta fraternity. Okay, so, he sounds exactly like my real brother, but i swear he's a real person. for one thing, he's way taller than drew. he also has cooler shoes, and goes by the name sully.

he moved in, like, a week ago. he lives in the green room. well, obviously not my green room... my room is newly green so i guess it can be called A green room, but it's certainly not THE green room. he's like BFFs with drew, which must be cool for them since they live together now and hang out constantly. he watched me fold my laundry on sunday. not, like, in a creeps way or anything; it was more of a we're-all-in-the-same-room-watching-the-same-movie kind of way and me and my laundry were just hanging out on the floor.

oh, okay. so. i think this girl in my class brought a friend/brother/boyfriend to class. i'm gonna say it's safe to assume it's her boyfriend from how her hands are like... on him and stuff while he starts up his computer... it's all very strange. he's kinda creeps; his face is weird, there's just something about it. and, like my advertising ta, it's slightly reminiscent of what a rapist's face looks like. obviously, rapists don't all look the same, and there's not just, like, one feature that all rapists have. it's just like... there's something about it that's slightly... what's the word?... creeps! anyway, i'm not suggesting that he's going to rape me, or that he's a rapist at all. i'm sure he's not, i'm sure he's a very nice man who just happened to be dragged to class by his girlfriend and now he feels all kinds of awkward sitting next to some girl who thinks he looks like a rapist for no reason at all.

at any rate, i'm just saying. there's something creeps about him.

now, for something unrelated:

ps. how presh is this?! it's from the lansing state journal. i saw it today and just felt my heart warm right up.

moving right along... i was talking to erica about this a little bit last night during the game (side note: sad face). i sit in my FCE class every tuesday night and just worry that i'm going to die. last week we talked about toxins and now i'm all worried that all of the plastic in my life is going to kill me. even plastic that i have nothing to do with, i just think i'm gonna die because it's out there, deteriorating, breaking down and into something i could possibly consume. i don't wanna drink out of water bottles; they're bad for the environment and they're bad for me. not good! and when i used one of those orange-y smelling antibacterial wipes yesterday to clean off the kitchen counter, i immediately worried that those chemicals seeped through my skin and knocked off a few months of my life.

today, we're talking about autism and adhd. now, because of this, i feel like i have both of those things. this class really does nothing to help my paranoia and hypochondriasis (sp?!).

anyway, sully. yeah. i guess he's pretty cool. only time will tell. but, like, seriously, what's one more "brother" in my life? i already have like... three, so i guess this temporary one won't be so bad.

looove. <3

saturday night fever- not so much

it's a saturday night. the spartans won tonight. my friends are out. (hopefully no one is actually rioting.)

i'm home, alone. watching a julia roberts movie (something to talk about, with dennis quaid. he has a mullet in this movie. it's not very good, but i like it- the movie, not the mullet).

i was just thinking that i'm not even upset about it. i'm not sulking, i don't wish i was out having fun like everyone else. it's not like i was forgotten about or purposely uninvited, thank goodness. i like to believe that not much time is spent talking about me behind my back as well, though i know at least a little bit does every now and again. i'm not so vain to think it's a constant topic, how obnoxious i am or how i don't manage my emotions properly... i just know that it does indeed happen. it's bound to.

sometimes it feels good to be alone. being alone and being lonely are two different things; last night i felt lonely, tonight i'm just alone. times like these i feel as though i've escaped to a place that's quiet and somewhere i can feel completely in control.

the only problem with quiet is that it gets my mind reeling. i start to think about the future and my thoughts start to get jumbled. i begin feeling conflicted and the worry sets in.

this is rather pointless, and a bunch of mindless ramblings. i don't know where i was going with any of this or exactly what i wanted to write.

so please be careful with me,
i'm sensitive
and i'd like to stay that way.

ringworm

so, rob has ringworm. all three (or so) people who read this already know that but since nothing ever happens in my life, i feel i can write about rob's life-happenings. when i heard about this "ringworm" sitch, i thought of some sick tiny worm hangin' out under the skin kinda near his neck. i knew that ringworm is not like a tapeworm, and that it was not a worm of any kind involved at all.

i also thought of vacationing in florida.

i feel like we should have figured that his "spider bite" was ringworm. i've seen ringworm before in person- while vacationing in florida. god, no. i did not have ringworm. christ. this family that we became friends with when drew and i were little and would go to this resort in florida every year. we saw this one family every year, every time we went, so it was only natural that this fam became, like, our friends. and we'd just play and play and swim and hide from our parents. anyway, what's-her-face's (my florida vacation friend) sister got ringworm and everyone was all up in arms about it and it was all... ring-like and raised and on her leg or something.

what i dont understand is how it gets on someone's leg or neck, on clean people no less! wtf!, like, when i looked it up, it said that it was a fungal infection. it's not like rob went into some MSU mens sports locker room and rubbed some sick athlete's foot on his neck (ew). i can understand that maybe it really is those sick preschoolers he hangs out with all the time.

even so, maybe rob and leah should stop hanging out, between his ringworm and her sore nipple, i have circus freak friends. (just kidding, guys. lol share your bacterial and fungal infections. it's sexy. oh, and you're not circus freaks. but boy, do i wish!)

this is what i learned in class today: mercury is bad; do not eat it. the girl giving one of the presentation remembers lice checks from elementary school. pesticides are evil. toxins are poisonous substances of natural origin (plants, animals, bacterial, and/or fungal).

!!!!omg rob and leah need to just stay away from toxins.
ohhh im a nerd.

oh also, we learned about asbestos. I'M MAKING MUFFINS ASBESTOS I CAN! i wish i was making muffis. speaking of asbestos, i really am worried that huapei (sp?!) really does have asbestos hanging out with all of that creeps duct tape.

anyway, im gonna go.
love you. love everything about you!



ps i found this. and it's funny.

i hate technology

Or, rather, technology hates me.

first, two weekends ago, i went to load HSM3 (the digital copy that is the second disk in the "special edition- 2 disk set," which can be authorized to be added to itunes or windows media player) to my itunes so i could have HSM3 and its fabulosity with me always. but, oh wait, the HSM3 digital copy can suck it. it severely ruined my computer. it didn't just take FOREVER to import, oh no, before it even finished, my computer was infested with viruses. infested. ANGRY FACE.

so, i decided to visit my frenemies at best buy's geek squad. i don't understand why they don't believe you when you go in and say, "High School Musical 3 gave my computer a million viruses and has now made me hate my horrible life. please fix this." he had to laugh at me, turn on my poor, sick 'puter, say "oh wow, yeah you've got a bunch of viruses," and then charge $200 to Tam's credit card, AND lecture me about using limewire. asshole. yeah, i am 21 years old and love HSM3 and stealing music. let me just point out it was not limewire that made my computer upset; it was high school musical. this is vanessa hudgen's fault. ANGRY FACE.

this is my angry face.

also, (side note for a later rant), i had emailed my professors/instructors to alert them that my grandpa had passed away and that i would be missing class. All but one of my professors had emailed me back. i thought nothing of this lack of response. So then, i emailed my FCE professor my homework, the very same professor who had not responded to my initial email. i thought nothing of a lack of response again. ohhhhh grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

so i'm successfully avoiding homework by watching twilight (yes, again....) this last sunday. all of a sudden, my phone rang. demi lovato sang her little heart out for maybe 5.2 seconds. best buy, my phone's little caller id screen said. (yeah, it's saved in my phone because technology hates me.) i picked up, hoping they'd tell me that my 'puter was all better and i could go pick it up. here's an almost-accurate transcript of what transpired on that phone call:

geek squad chick: hi, may i speak to Kathryn?

me: oh, hello, this is she.

GSC: oh, um. well i'm calling about your computer. you did indeed have several viruses on your computer.

me: okay. yeah.

GSC: we cleaned all of them out and all of your files are safe, so everything worked out great.

me:oh! great! cool, yay!

GSC: yeah, and we also found out that your windows xp has a corrupt file, so we are going to have to restore your computer.

me: oh.

GSC: so, we were just calling to see what files, if any, you'd like to have backed up, because we can do that for you.

me: um, i guess i want my documents, my pictures and my music saved....

GSC: yeah, depending on how much data that is, it will be $99 or $150

me: ugh, okay.

GSC: okay, awesome. have a great day, bye!

FML.

i'm running out of steam now. long story short, im pissed about my computer. i'm pissed that my ONE professor is saying "oh, no, your name is not familiar at all and i have not received anything from you at all." ANGRY FACE! FML! i can't go to office hours because it's the same day as class, and by that point, the assignment will still be one more week late. so i just tried emailing again and i'm gonna hate my life some more. also, im going to look into contacting the dean to report her for not following university policy to not be penalized for an immediate family member's death.

ughhhh

20/20

good news! 20/20 is on WE.

i dont know what WE stands for, but i can appreciate any channel that plays awesome crime-centered 20/20. I don't get ID on my tv at school like i do at home; it's unfortunate because i looooove me some 20/20, 48 hours, and other shows of the like which focus on murder and stuff like that. Also, forensic files is a good one, but that's on court tv, which apparently is tru-tv now? what? why!?


this particular episode, though it just started, i can pretty much predict. a husband goes missing, they find his body dismembered... she totally did it, the wife that is- melanie something or other. it's always the spouse.


what i don't understand is why people thing they'll actually get away with it. people are so stupid. that's embarrassing- YOU WILL GET CAUGHT, YOU IDIOTS! i just don't get it.


you know what these shows make me wish? well, a few things. here we go: i wish...


1.) i could be the 20/20 slash 48 hours reporter who gets to interview these freaks who believe they won't get caught, and who still proclaim their innocence. that'd be awesome.

2.) i could do something sweet, like dust for fingerprints, spray that luminol stuff on surfaces to find blood spatters, be a weapons analyst so i could figure out if the bullet shell came from a specific gun or not, etc...

3.) i was awesome at math and shit to be able to come up with the statistics and probability that is involved with linking that person/weapon to the crime and how likely everything is that is related to the crime

4.) i could meet lester holt

5.) i could be super smart like that one asian man in forensic files who is so good at forensics that he's an expert witness in like every murder case possible. that'd be awesome.

ohhh hot damn.
does rachael ray have her own brand of dog food? WTF?!?


anyway, sorry, there was a commercial for it. but i was writing this, so not really paying attention. there was definitely a dog food commercial and she was definitely in it. weird. okay, back to my i wish... list.


6.) i wish i could be the narrator for forensic files. that would be awesome. i'd have to work on getting my voice to be all mysterious and able to build the suspense, but i think that that would probably be, like, an attainable thing. i could totally do that.


well, i cant think of anything else i wish i could do from watching these shows. also, this one is only 15 minutes in and i wanna watch the rest, undistracted.


xoxo, kate

sad things and a few obsessions

well, my grandpa died on sunday.

i've experienced a couple of highly emotional events lately, like within the last two weeks.

i can't talk about it. it's too sad, and i just get too upset. i just can't handle it right now. i live it every day; i don't need to write it down. there probably wouldn't even be the right words to describe those feelings. it's too hard.

...

i'm loving water and a flame by daniel merriweather and adele. download it, youtube it, itunes... whatever. get it. it's amazing. i listen to it on perez over and over and over again. i'm obsessed.

another thing i'm obsessed with: bret michaels.

this fact upsets me. he repulses me, and yet, i'm strangely addicted to rock of love, which is appalling in and of itself.

the funny story behind this is that it's a totally new-found obsession and it was admitted out loud to a couple of my closest friends recently. we were in vegas, getting ready to go out or go to dinner- i don't remember exactly where it was that we were going. regardless, we were supposed to be getting ready to go somewhere, and megan was flipping channels. she stopped on vh1 so we could watch the end of sober house (amazing!) and see andy dick being all precious and sad. then, (get excited), it ended and e! true hollywood story came on. it was on bret michaels. imagine my surprise when i was genuinely excited to watch it. it was appalling.

the worst part is that i knew a lot of that stuff beforehand. i knew about his diabetes, i knew he was in poison, i knew he had two daughters... like, how?! how (and why!?) did i know these things? megan and aleka were appalled, lol. it was awesome.

so now, whenever i hear anything about him, see anything on tv about him, whatever- i just immediately watch it and tell megan how excited about it i am. lol it's hilarious. it's an awesome new running joke. yayyyyyy

oh, one last thing: i watched au pair 3: adventure in paradise and let me tell you, as lame as it was, i looooooved it. it was like the other two and i was psyched to watch it.

hsm3 vs twilight & feminist ranting

i don't blog.

weird thing is, i just typed "blong" which i think is kind of insightful in a weird, ironic, totally creeps way. like, what if that was almost a "freudian slip," as though i really believe i don't belong? how weird.

apparently, though, i do now.

anyway, i'm, like, obsessed with high school musical 3. i could literally watch this movie every day. i'm not even mad about it. i don't curr, it's sexy to watch hsm3 errrday.

also, my obsession with hsm3 leads me to question my love for twilight, which comes out on dvd really soon. march 21st i think. anyway, the point is that i feel like my love for hsm3 has outweighed my love for twilight, which, to me, seems slightly unfortunate. i would get soooo excited when i saw a commercial on tv (okay, the disney channel...) for hsm3, and while i see commercials for twilight, i just keep thinking "eh, i probably won't remember to get that right away," which makes me sad. because i really did love the books. well, see, maybe that's it. i loved the books, not the movie. the movie changed everything, and made james sick looking with his sick, sick ponytail, and weird, and added slash took things out. grrrrrowl

"hold on tight, spider monkey."

let's get real for a minute. why!? that was NOWHERE in the book. in fact, that line is offensive.

speaking of offensive, the game is offensive. the game is the show the pick up artist on vh1 in sick book-form. it's the most appalling piece of "literature" i have ever encountered, in my short 21 years. it's awful. i hate reading it because:

1.) it's embare to publically read a dating/relationship book in public places (i.e. the detroit airport, the luxor hotel/casino in las vegas, the las vegas airport).
2.) i am not a man trying to learn "the game," nor am i trying to hone my skills in picking up women.
3.) it is a truly heinous book
4.) the fact that men/boys actually read this book is absolutely appalling
5.) it has been published and bound to resemble the bible. (uuuuuhm, hello, that is like blasphemy and i am not even religious!)
6.) the fact that these men/boys/computer nerds/"magicians"/tools actually live and breathe the lifestyle portrayed in the book is appalling/offensive
7.) beyond all of the other obvious bullshit that is wrong with the book, it is just a hideous excuse for a how-to
8.) most importantly, it's offensive to women

and if i've learned anything in college, it's that i've somehow become a feminist. therefore, reading this book is like pulling teeth, and i honestly do not believe that neil strauss (the author, whose blog can be seen here) or any of the "men" mentioned (mystery- WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU SICK FUCK?!?!) should get any royalties or notoriety from their appalling and offensive behavior.

that is all. i'm too riled up and pissed off now to continue.

-kate