alpha dog

drew wrote this. and i love it.

it made me weep. but it's amazing.

tag

While I actually do have something really awesome and exciting to write about, it's kind of ruined by the huge, terrible, heart-breaking thing that's happening.

I love him too much to have to say goodbye, which is exactly what I had to do this morning.

As I write this and look at his happy face in photos, my eyes prick with tears and the back of my throat feels tight. I feel like my heart breaks every time I think of it, of him, and of what happened, what will happen on Thursday.

This morning, I put my face next to his and cried. I squeezed his black and white paws, all four of them, one at a time, and wept into his soft black coat. He didn't know why I was so sad, but I figure that's for the best. I can't bear the thought of him knowing what is to come. He sat up proudly, and I rubbed his white chest because I know how much he likes that. He leaned his head into my neck, as if to say, Don't cry, Kate, I love you too much! and I just held on for couple minutes and let my tears fall, forgetting all about the fact that I had just done my make up for work.  I whispered, "I love you" over and over, and I told him I was so sorry.

I hope that's enough.

He was always so much more than just our pet. I loved him so dearly. Still do.

And that's why my heart hurts.

Now Playing: Didn't Want to Say Goodbye | Ari Hest

your life is an occasion. rise to it.

*Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium



So, she's gone.

My (okay, our...) beloved cat, Baby, is gone.

I miss her.

My heart hurts when I think about how I'll never see her again How I'll never see her truckin' along, wanting to be around people and being an attention-whore. How I'll never hear her insanely loud purr that never went away. How I'll never feel her lumpy fur in my fingers. How I'll never get to secretly snuggle with her when Tag's not paying attention. How I'll never get to feed her friskies again. How I'll never accidentally step on her because she somehow managed to always be right under my feet. How I'll never get to pretend to have conversations with her because that was our thing. How I'll never get bitten or meowed at because she's mad, or bored, or annoyed, or happy, or excited, or playful. She's gone, and that's the end.

Heartbroken.

Who knew?



I know she's a girl, but I really, really love this movie, and this quote seems to resonate with me so often.

I feel like there's just been so much loss this year. I really don't like it.


I'm just really, really sad. And sometimes when I think about it, I get upset because I'm so emotional over a cat, and that just feels silly. But then I know in my heart that she was so much more than just a cat. She was family, and saying goodbye to family is... impossible.

"and i know it's only natural to be sad, but not because of the words "he dies," but because of the life we saw prior to the words." | mr. magorium's wonder emporium

flooded with all this pain, knowin' i'll never hold you like i did before the storm

two things:

1.) i'm obsessed with twitter
2.) i'm psyched for harry potter tomorrow night

oh, also, the following:

- i'm strangely in love with the song "before the storm" by miley cyrus and nick jonas. (that makes me want to blow my own brains out, thankyouverymuch)
- im avoiding a friend request on facebook
- tam made me try on the six-carat diamond ring that will one day be mine
- i've been trying to think of things to tweet to dane cook so our notebook-esque love affair can finally begin
- im going to work with tam tomorrow like a five year old.


and finally, the saddest piece of news in my life, a tidbit that will devastate anyone who knows/knew her:

i'm fairly certain baby is dying.


xo

sad things and a few obsessions

well, my grandpa died on sunday.

i've experienced a couple of highly emotional events lately, like within the last two weeks.

i can't talk about it. it's too sad, and i just get too upset. i just can't handle it right now. i live it every day; i don't need to write it down. there probably wouldn't even be the right words to describe those feelings. it's too hard.

...

i'm loving water and a flame by daniel merriweather and adele. download it, youtube it, itunes... whatever. get it. it's amazing. i listen to it on perez over and over and over again. i'm obsessed.

another thing i'm obsessed with: bret michaels.

this fact upsets me. he repulses me, and yet, i'm strangely addicted to rock of love, which is appalling in and of itself.

the funny story behind this is that it's a totally new-found obsession and it was admitted out loud to a couple of my closest friends recently. we were in vegas, getting ready to go out or go to dinner- i don't remember exactly where it was that we were going. regardless, we were supposed to be getting ready to go somewhere, and megan was flipping channels. she stopped on vh1 so we could watch the end of sober house (amazing!) and see andy dick being all precious and sad. then, (get excited), it ended and e! true hollywood story came on. it was on bret michaels. imagine my surprise when i was genuinely excited to watch it. it was appalling.

the worst part is that i knew a lot of that stuff beforehand. i knew about his diabetes, i knew he was in poison, i knew he had two daughters... like, how?! how (and why!?) did i know these things? megan and aleka were appalled, lol. it was awesome.

so now, whenever i hear anything about him, see anything on tv about him, whatever- i just immediately watch it and tell megan how excited about it i am. lol it's hilarious. it's an awesome new running joke. yayyyyyy

oh, one last thing: i watched au pair 3: adventure in paradise and let me tell you, as lame as it was, i looooooved it. it was like the other two and i was psyched to watch it.