alpha dog

drew wrote this. and i love it.

it made me weep. but it's amazing.

tag

While I actually do have something really awesome and exciting to write about, it's kind of ruined by the huge, terrible, heart-breaking thing that's happening.

I love him too much to have to say goodbye, which is exactly what I had to do this morning.

As I write this and look at his happy face in photos, my eyes prick with tears and the back of my throat feels tight. I feel like my heart breaks every time I think of it, of him, and of what happened, what will happen on Thursday.

This morning, I put my face next to his and cried. I squeezed his black and white paws, all four of them, one at a time, and wept into his soft black coat. He didn't know why I was so sad, but I figure that's for the best. I can't bear the thought of him knowing what is to come. He sat up proudly, and I rubbed his white chest because I know how much he likes that. He leaned his head into my neck, as if to say, Don't cry, Kate, I love you too much! and I just held on for couple minutes and let my tears fall, forgetting all about the fact that I had just done my make up for work.  I whispered, "I love you" over and over, and I told him I was so sorry.

I hope that's enough.

He was always so much more than just our pet. I loved him so dearly. Still do.

And that's why my heart hurts.

Now Playing: Didn't Want to Say Goodbye | Ari Hest

baby fever!

seriously. i want one.

no mouth-breathers allowed

so, i think i have allergies. that, or a sinus infection.

i can't breathe. my head hurts with sinus pressure. my lips are chapped. my nose is raw. (it's sick.)

i'm a mouth-breather.

do you realize how depressing that is? ugh. i disgust myself.


in other, unrelated news, i'm watching season 2 of the oc. 

i just finished season 1 of true blood, but i jumped back onto the oc train. unfortuantely for gilmore girls season 1 and for myself, i won't have time to watch season 1 of gilmore girls. timing of these things is so important. I hate that i'm only allowed one week for videos from the lib. ruuude. don't they know that it takes more than a week to watch an entire season of a tv show? doesn't the library understand that not everyone can sit in front of the tv all day and watch endless hours of the tv show in question?! MY LIFE IS SO HARD.

in my queue at the library, i have season 2 of true blood (which has yet to be released, btw. AND i'm 76 of 77 holds. basically, i'll get it next year. sounds great!), party of five season 3,  season 1 of dexter, season 1 of the tudors and season 3 of the oc on hold. i am gonna be so busy.

back to the oc i go. back to laying on the couch in my own sickness. back to being a lowly mouth-breather.

xoxo



ps.  i still hate marissa.

omg. i vlogged.

ohhhh shiz

it's on.

miscounted

when i was working at ada yesterday, i got bored and started flipping through my planner. it was then i realized just how long it's been since i've even spoken to the person who had been my one constant for many, many years. when i counted, i must have counted wrong because i originally thought it had been eight weeks. but it's really only been six.

can that be right? how can that be? how can it still hurt? how can it still feel like the hole in my chest is gaping? it feels like a flesh wound that won't heal. despite me trying to take care of it, it doesn't go away. how can i still feel the air sucked out of my lungs when i think about it? when will this go away? when will i stop hurting?

i'm sorry i'm such a downer lately. i'm really trying not to be. it's just really hard. still.

now playing:

"...more than one innocent life can be spared!"

harry potter is on abc family right now.

if you're my mother, you would ask "which one?" and i would respond, "3. prisoner of azkaban."

i had to add azkaban to my phone's t9 dictionary (yeah, my phone is old and doesn't have a keyboard. i'm lame.). i'm hoping that i'll use the word azkaban enough that my phone won't forget the word. but, then again, my LG shine is weird and likes to remember words i never use and put them in sentences regularly (e.g. "i have to go to rehab" when i wanted to say "i have to go to toledo"), so maybe i'll get lucky and instead of suggesting i go to rehab, it will tell me to visit azkaban. maybe that's unlucky... that's a prison. hm. interesting.

anyway. yeah. harry potter's on mute while i do my stats homework. my exam is going to rape me. not excited.

my intention was that this entry would be one line. see? brevity just isn't my thing.

that one line i was gonna write was this: i hate that sirius dies.


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